24/1/25

Soon the first month is over. It doesn't sound like much now, but it won't be long until one fourth of the year is gone. Then, a little bit more, and it will be half of the year gone. Then in just a blink of an eye it's December again. I must treat time with the respect it deserves now.

7/1/25

It's really been only a week of the new year? I thought it's been longer. It felt like it's been longer.
I'm a little sad about being away from my work station. I realized I actually miss drawing a bit. My leisure lately has mainly consisted of meditation, video games and webtoons. I'm especially happy about having found comics I'm interested to read all the way to the end. It's refreshing to see how other people solve certain things and write certain things. In retrospect it feels like it's gotten really stuffy inside my head, so looking at other people's creations has done something good to that.

1/1/25

Happy New Year! I hope everyone with fresh resolutions they've promised themselves have a great jumpstart. I'll do my best with my resolutions this year, too.

28/12/24

I'm having glimpses of something I recognize. Back in the days when I enjoyed creativity the most, I had this instinct to go towards themes that feel difficult. Those questions and ideas the mind is unwilling to hold for long, I'm regaining some amount of the curiosity that allowed me to do that. It's not quite there yet. Even if I don't ever get all the way back to where I was, I'm still happy to have seen my mind behave in ways I valued the most. It's not as skittish as it had been. Maybe all those fumbling meditation sessions have amounted to something?

25/12/24

I want to revive my ability to dream. It was nice falling into reveries, but somewhere along the way I grew too serious and lost the ability to do it. If I try now, my thoughts grow heavy immediately. "It's way too much work to do something like that." "It's unrealistic." I feel the weight of the responsibility, not the thrill of what if. I'm even afraid to type out what I'd want to achieve because it would immediately get poisoned by that unsupportive voice within. Perhaps there's something worth writing about self undermining.

14/11/24

I got my meditation book! I'm reading it whenever I have a moment, and so far the information has been super helpful. Meditation itself is simple to do, but after a while I started craving some kind of external guidance about what I'm doing, what aspects should I look for and how should I treat other kinds of aspects. It's doing exactly that, and it's doing so with precise language, which I think is super important when we are talking about phenomena you can only observe by yourself in the privacy of your own mind. I'm happy about the purchase so far. The book looks a little intimidating with how many pages it has, but if all the information is as important as what I've seen so far, then I believe the sacrifice will contribute to my benefit in the end.

11/11/24

Today has been overwhelming. It feels like there's simply not enough hours in a day. Obligations swallow up so much of my time that it feels like my life is not my own. Things end up requiring more time than I have scheduled for them.

8/11/24

I ordered a book called "The Mind Illuminated". I've heard it's a good book for anyone practising meditation alone. I want to somehow take my practise a step further, but I don't know how and a teacher is not an option for me currently.
It might sound silly, but my main reason for why I'm meditating is a wish to enjoy creating again. For as long as I can remember, art and creativity has been the most important thing in my life. It still is, but I cannot enjoy it. I believe the fault lies in smartphones that are not only addicting attention grabbers, but also create an impression we should be always available, for everyone everywhere. I've fallen into the spell and the most important thing in my life has severely suffered as a result. Meditation has helped. I've seen effects that show me I'm on the right track, but by now I want something more to help me along, hence my latest purchase.

3/11/24

I want to repeat Phoneless December. I look back to last December with fondness despite the misfortunes that occurred during that period. I want to repeat it so bad, but I have to see how long the vacation school gives us will be.

1/11/24

The year is soon over. Time flies.
I may be able to draw with my favorite drawing program again. I'm looking forward to it.

31/10/24

I wonder if I need a blog on this page at all.